I started to notice this past week that people apologize to me when they have food I do not eat. And it strikes me as a very interesting phenomenon.
It happened 3 times this past week: my manager at work placed leftover birthday cake on our conference room table close to where I was sitting and she looked at me and said "sorry"; someone brought dessert for a potluck and as she was walking by me with the dish she said "sorry, this has egg in it"; and then someone sat by me for lunch one day with tuna for their meal and they apologized for having it!
I'm not sure why people feel the need to apologize to me for their food choices. On one hand, I guess it's a positive display of their knowledge of my eating habits and the fact that they are "sorry" that everyone can't partake in sharing their food? Maybe? But on the other hand, it's kind of annoying, because it is constantly pointing out my out of the norm food life. Do they think I'm going to mistakenly reach for a brownie or piece of birthday cake like it's accidently vegan? And I hate when they add the word "can't" to the mix, as in "I'm sorry you can't eat this". Actually, I can eat it, but I'm choosing not to. So there doesn't need to be an apology for providing food that I'm choosing not to eat; it's like you are apologizing for my choices. It makes me uncomfortable.
Which brings me to the question: what is the proper response to these statements? My knee jerk Southern upbringing reaction is to quickly say "That's ok", or "No problem", but that doesn't really feel right. But I have no idea what response would be better. I'm still horrible at defending my food choices without sounding preachy, so it's usually better to keep my mouth shut, I've found. It happened the other day when someone made the classic statement, "But why can't you eat honey, that's why bees make it?". (Can't word again!!) When I pointed out that bees don't make the honey for us and that some bees do die in the harvesting of honey, they started giving me the look so I just shut up.
Any of this ever happened to other vegans reading this post? What do you say?
On a less whiny note, I started a 30 day ab challenge yesterday that looks pretty horrific; I'll post on the results of this as I go along.
People say sorry because they see you as being similar to a dieter. They don't know. When they say you "can't" have something they just mean that they know it's not on your 'diet'. They don't mean to be offensive. In fact, just the opposite! They mean to be polite. They are sorry that they are presenting you with something that you are choosing not to eat and they feel bad about it. They want you to be able to eat it and enjoy what they enjoy. They may mistakenly believe that you want it, it's tempting, and that you have to will yourself to stay away from it.....like someone on a diet. But we all know that's not true! You don't want food with a face any more than I want coconut. It's gross. You can bring me the best looking, most delicious (in all other ways) carrot cake in history, but if it has coconut in it you can bet I will be licking off the icing and that's it. Cake---> garbage.
ReplyDeleteAs for how you should handle it? First, give them a little grace. They're probably trying to be polite. (Unless they're cleary not and that's something altogether different). Second, just tell them they don't need to apologize. Simple as that. Don't say "that's okay", say "no apology necessary" and tell them you just had a big, fat piece of whatever lovely dessert you have recently made for yourself (even if it's not true). Then you can brag about how good it is and offer to share the recipe. And who knows? Maybe at the next potluck someone will have made it for you! And why wouldn't they? Surely they think as fondly of you as your best friends do!
P.S. I appreciate that you let your face-eating friends post on your blog.
I truly appreciate the view from the other side of the fence. And I like the idea of saying "no apology necessary" and I'll try that out. Thanks face-eating friend---post on this blog anytime you want!!!!
ReplyDelete